This is really hard…….

I don’t think my husband or I fully grasped how hard getting out of debt and changing or spending habits was going to be. Here we are more than half way through June and I don’t think that we have made any real progress.  Well, I guess the most real progress we have made is we sat down this morning and had a heated discussion about our need to change vs. our want to change.  I feel like we are both on the same page with knowing that we need to do something to change our habits and pay down our debt but we clearly are not on the same page when it comes to wanting to change our spending habits.

Part of the discussion was that I feel like I am “in charge” of the finances and my husband just agrees with whatever I say basically…which sounds pretty awesome right? Well it’s not. I feel like it has made me into Gollum from Lord of the Rings that is guarding my precious monies (it’s funnier if you say it in his voice). Where this has truly backfired for me is that I have turned into the bad guy who won’t let anyone spend “my” money and I have to constantly be the one who tells everyone NO!  Well I don’t like being the bad guy all the time…..it makes me feel bad lol. So I basically gave up over the last 2 months……or went on strike. …..whatever you want to call it. Guess what? That totally did not work at all!

In May I was able to pull off about an 8K per year raise (patting myself on the back) which will help out tremendously! However, one of our really bad habits is that if we make more money we will spend more money…and we did….a lot of it….and stuff we “needed”. ARRGGG!!!! I get so frustrated sometimes that I just want to give all of this up! I can totally see how financial problems are the number one reason for divorce in this country! But I don’t want to be that couple that gives up, we are strong and I know that we can get through this…but I’m not going to lie, this is really hard.

This morning I told him that I need help and I want off this lone island of sole responsibility for our finances. It’s kind of funny how talking about things actually helps, because he said that he thought I wanted to be in control of everything and felt like he didn’t get a say at all, so we were both frustrated with the other and where just letting it fester versus just talking about it. We need to be a partnership and be on the same page with EVERYTHING or else this is just not going to work.  It can’t just be “my way or the highway” but I have to get some input otherwise I have no other way to go.

This was definitely not our first fight about money…not even close….but I feel like this time we had the most progress towards common ground.  I think we are both to the point now where we realize that there is no alternative, this debt is not going to go away no matter how much we just “want” it to lol. We have been married for almost 10 years and it had taken us that long to get into this mess and we certainly can’t expect to get out of it overnight, not like that dude in Cali that won the $450 million dollar jackpot last week 🙂

2 thoughts on “This is really hard…….”

  1. Conversations about money are super hard. It’s so good to hear that you were able to sit down and have a conversation, and being able to agree on some things. I’m totally guilty of, “Look at that! I have more money so I can spend more money.” It’s so hard, but I’ve begun to accept that I’m not going to be good every month. Which category do you like to spend in most?

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    1. I think the hardest part for me at least is not getting the “instant gratification” I can’t just make a payment and we are debt free and we can’t just walk away and say “ehhh, it’ll fix it’s self” lol. I think that it really is giving us a kick to the gut and a slap upside the ego to know that we can’t blame anyone else and that we are going to have to be uncomfortable to get out of this. The biggest thing we spend our extra money on is “stuff” for the kids, I don’t know if we just feel like we are depriving them of things and need to make up for it or what but if we have 10 extra dollars we will let them get a toy or buy a DVD. We need to learn, and teach our kids, that “stuff” isn’t love and sometimes we don’t always get what we want…..it’s a tough lesson though.

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